Unicorn dreams

Eight years, eleven months, and fifteen days. That's how long I've been working on Keygen. That's a long time — a lot longer than I had imagined I'd be at this whole thing, to be completely honest.

But at the same time, it's not that long when looking at a growth curve of a startup business that isn't a unicorn. It's been very linear, and linear curves take a long time to compound into 'enough.'

I think Keygen has reached that 'enough' designation. And it's a thing worth celebrating, yet I can't find myself celebrating right now.

Right now, I'm stuck in this weird headspace where I dream of unicorns; of faster growth, of a larger team — even of offices! — and of course the kicker: a bigger payoff at the end of this thing.

But Keygen isn't a rocket ship, it's a space elevator.

Yet here I sit, asking the question —

"could it be a rocket ship?"

Every couple years I have these same unicorn dreams. Every couple years I get a valuation to see where the market's at, and where I'm at. Every couple years I ask myself the same questions, and every couple years I answer the same. (So take this for the rambling it is.)

But this time feels a bit different.

On one hand, I feel like I've given Keygen literally everything I have, that I have no more tricks up my sleeve to grow the business differently, e.g. there's no 'thing' I can do to go from 50% to 150%.

I already went fair source and that worked: it 2x'd growth. But that's a one-trick pony, and I feel like I'm all out of ponies.

I've tried everything in the books, and some things worked, some things didn't, and I learned what I do and do not like to do in my day-to-day. I vehemently avoid everything I don't like, because it's my business and I want to enjoy what I do every day.

The business has been growing, even in spite of that mindset, at minimum around 50% year over year, and in every respect, it's been a success. Growth has been slow and linear, when we compare to a startup, but I'll be honest and say that I've kind of just done my own thing and let it grow organically. I hate loathe sales, so I avoid it, and I hate setting up ads, so I've largely avoided them.

I like writing code, so I do that, and I like helping engineers, so I do that. I write code to help them. I write docs to help them. I write emails to help them. I build what they need. That's gotten me an 'in' at many places I wouldn't have imagined me selling into.

(Sometimes I feel like my success was some chance accident. I didn't really do anything special to get here. I just stuck around long enough for it to turn into something because I'm hard-headed and I don't give up. I stuck around and didn't die — and viola!)

On the other hand, I'm nearly nine years into this whole 'solo' thing, and frankly, I'm tired of being alone. Being the sole arbiter of everything about the business has its perks, but it also has its drawbacks.

I generally enjoy doing things alone — I'm an introvert, after all! — but I've learned that I don't like doing things alone indefinitely, and without choice. I just end up feeling lonely, and nobody likes lonely.

All these feelings have come to a bit of a head after taking 8 weeks of paternity leave earlier this year and the business kept humming along and growing even in what felt like a long absence.

I literally put it on auto-pilot and it didn't crash.

(Yes, yes — very cool.)

But that's left me feeling without purpose. It's left me feeling that everything I do is kind of superfluous, i.e. if I stopped doing whatever it is I'm doing right now, it'd make no difference. And if I'm not making a difference, why am I here standing in my office right now when I could be with my kids or spending time on a hobby?

That may be an easy question to answer for some, but it's not for me. And that's not a good feeling, to be completely honest. This has left me with a weird feeling of boredom yet at the same time, guilt.

Boredom because, like I said, nothing I do lately feels like it actually moves the needle from target to target — and it's made me question what's next for me. Am I not smart enough for what's next? Is it burnout? Boreout? I don't really know.

Guilt because I have everything I've been working for over the last nine years, yet it's somehow not enough. Guilt because I could largely stop working and spend my time with my kids, yet I don't want to stop producing something valuable, and I feel very sad when I stop producing value. I've tied my self-worth to my business.

Guilt because I've considered selling my business.

So what's next?

All I know is that I don't feel challenged like I used to, and that's probably because I don't feel that external push which leads one to feel challenged — to become challenged.

That external push used to be reaching 'enough.'

It used to be paying the mortgage.

It used to be more savings.

But now what?

Maybe this all means I stopped trying as hard, and I simply need to push myself out of my comfort zone again.

Or maybe this all means that I've simply reached the point on the elevator where I need to make a choice.

So let's be even more candid —

I could sell — but with today's multiples, while taking into account all the fun capital gains tax (LLC, so no QSBS here), it's not really worth it. With a continued linear growth trend, I'll hit any 2-5x sale number in a matter of years if I just kept the business, so why sell?

(And I'd hit that number in recurring revenue!)

That option seems nonsensical, to be absolutely honest. If I were to sell, I'd want to sell for a larger multiple, not a mere 2-5x EBITDA.

I also feel like I'd regret selling. I've put so much of myself into this project — into this business. I'd be losing a part of me.

So where does that leave me?

I could grow the team. I've been doing this, but it's slow — and I'm at a point in my journey where I'm excruciatingly tired of going slow. In order to grow the team and business faster, I'd need capital.

Over the last nine years, I've built Keygen around me, and that's fine, but doing so has limited the business's overall growth trajectory. I feel that investors and a team could help me take Keygen to the next level — to take it places that I've intentionally avoided, and faster.

The exact opposite of what I've been doing the last nine years.

This feels like it'd be challenging, and I do want a challenge.

So here I sit, dreaming of unicorns, asking the question —

"could it be a rocket ship?"

How far into the stars should one reach?